A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
My Japanese dentist became a woman.
He’s a trans zen dentalist.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
"Put me in coach."
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed
Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.
Where to Bees go to party in Spain?
Ibiza.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
That look soots you.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What did the player on the Bumblebee basketball team say after making a foul shot?
Hive Scored!
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
Did you hear about the artist's really messy house? He said it was 'a work in progress'.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Nothing, it just waved!
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
Nothing really mattress.
My blind friend did LSD for the first time...
There was a lot more tripping than usual.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
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