Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why did the Koala cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
"Some bunny loves you."
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
We’ve reached the pint of no return.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Black background, brown background, black background, brown background, black background, brown background.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What do you get when you kiss a diseased bird?
Cherpies, but don't worry.
It's tweetable.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What is a grammar vampire's least favourite drink?
Type-O.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Hey summer, long time no sea!
You are aged to perfection.
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