Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
You are un-beer-lievable!
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
You shamrock my world.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
They’re always a little short.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?
The ultrasound guy
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
What’s Austrian and took over France?
Croissants.
I hope for world peas.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
The painting was framed, so the cops arrested it.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
I had some impure water so I boiled the hell out of it and collected the condensation...
Now it’s wholly water.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
An ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.
‘’Euripides’’ says the tailor. ‘’Yeah, Eumenides?’’ replies the man.
Go to BabaMail
