This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A chilli dog.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
You don’t like my winter pun? How cold!
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
The troll told his girlfriend that he was head ogre heels for her.
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
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