The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
What is a vegan Viking called?
A Norvegan.
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
Sinks cannot open doors
Let that sink in.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
Water you doing on [date]?
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What do police officers do when they are on the volleyball court? They serve and protect.
If there's a Tim Horton's chain, should there be a Lanny McDonald's? Or Doug
Harvey's? And what about Ron's Francise?
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
I’m a small Irish creature who has been diagnosed with a serious sickness. It’s Leprechronic.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist...
Yeti does.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
It’s a beautiful Degas!
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What did the painter say to the wall? Another crack like that and I'll have to plaster you!
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
Never marry an archaeologist!
They're always digging up the past.
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
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