What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
A happy hippo hopped and hiccupped.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
It's okay password...
...I'm insecure too...
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
What is the shortest month of the year?
M-A-Y.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
The airline lost my luggage, and so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Happy Valentine's day.
Such a Lovely day.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
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