A brain aneurysm would be swell.
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
The scientist time travels between summer and winter using his autumn-mobile!
Where does a fish keep his money In the River Bank!
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
I'm Claus-trophobic.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
What do you call it when you get mugged on the vernal equinox?
The first robbin’ of spring!
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
How do you know flowers are friendly?
They always have new buds!
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
You’ll be Dublin your fortune soon.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine, but Catscan.
"No body won the skeleton race."
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
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