How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Do you know about April 1st?
Yes, I’m fooly aware of it!
Do you want to know what you get when you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? Really! Ooh you will end up with a bouncing baby boa.
What's the name of the funniest mountain range in the world? The Himhilarious.
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
The big black bug bit the big black bear,
but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
I asked my husband to please press pause on the movie We were watching.
He called the dog over for the task, wanted to press his paws.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?
Bigmeter.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
Mooning is very ASStrological
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
Bookworms take shelfies.
What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot...
I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease.
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