Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
Thank brew very much.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
My friend was explaining at length how he was digging holes in his backyard for water.
He was boring.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
Ireland is pitcher perfect.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
I was really surprised when I learned that singer Pink's favorite color was actually green. No one could have i-magenta-it.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
What’s a skeleton’s next favorite rock band?
Bone Jovi.
I've recently got a job making chess pieces.
I'm mostly working knights.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
I love you and I ain’t lion.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
A big black bug bit a big black dog on his big black nose!
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
I always have a souper time with you.
A lump of red leather, a red leather lump.
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
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