What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
When the ghost went to a fancy restaurant, he decided to wear a boo-tie.
Shave a single shingle thin.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
You and I make a deluxe combo.
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Everybody romaine calm.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth!
Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo.
We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
I was under the blues, so I had to blue my nose occasionally.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What is the worst type of blind people?
The Notsees.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
Let’s list the froze and cons.
As soon as you find someone who has bees, marry them.
That’s how you know they're a keeper!
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
"I would hop to the end of the world for you."
What do dogs and commas have in common? Dogs have claws at the end of their paws and commas are a pause at the end of a clause.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
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