Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
What do you call hell for potheads?
Canabyss.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Why was everyone shocked when the fruit fly's girlfriend agreed to marry him?
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
He knew literally everything about the constellations. Some might even say that his knowledge of the night sky was astronomical.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Who is Frosty’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt Artica!
How will you come to know when the moon will go broke? It would happen when moon is down to its last quarter.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
Getting lucked up on St. Patrick’s Day.
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
At the baking competition in October, the chef said that he had eyes on the pies!
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
By the seat of one’s punt
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
Some airplanes are so cramped that at the end of the trip, you suffer jet leg.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
I tried to take a girl out to hunt seals for a first date.
But she wasn't really Inuit.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
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