If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What do you call a ghoul who sits too close to the fire?
A toasty ghosty.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What do witches' cats like to have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
What's E.T. short for?
Because he's got little legs.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
The color turquoise was judged as the best new color because it was cyantifically proven to be.
"You're poaching all my best yolks."
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Summer's over; it's time to chill.
How much caramel can a canny canonball cram in a camel if a canny canonball can cram caramel in a camel?
These decorations are tree-mendous.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Who needs luck? I have charm.
Have you heard about a man who became a werewolf?
He was distressed at first, but then he took a lycan to it.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
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