What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Some people say Greece should stop using the euro as currency...
I think they're being over-drachmatic.
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
Reading whilst sunbathing? You must be well-red!
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
Give me some pigskin
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
Snow thank you.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
I'm pine-ing for you.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
I’m very frond of you.
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
I was only taught 22 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y TBH.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
What's a chess player's favourite starter?
Pawn cocktail.
Which basketball team is the favorite at the North Pole?
The New York Old Saint Knicks.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
Winter is here, weather you like it or not.
What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
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