What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
What game do fawns like playing at sleepovers?
Truth-or-deer.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
As it snow happens.
If volleyball were easy, they would call it football.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Do you know why no one has ever been sentenced for crimes committed on the moon?
Because it's a gray area.
If you get married out on sea or in a boat...
is that a row-mance?
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.
He was Tolkien all the way through.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
Where do deer get all of their coffee?
Star-bucks!
The team’s star basketball player decided to remain at home the entire weekend. He didn’t want to be called out for travelling.
What happened when the artist tried to draw a cube? He suffered from a mental block.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
Witches are always wand-ering around…
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
"Some people have no guts."
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
Whale, hello there.
What did his wife give the guy when he came home all sweaty from his run?
The stink eye.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
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