Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...
`It was his weather vein.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
I tried to take a girl out to hunt seals for a first date.
But she wasn't really Inuit.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
What does goblin's blood consist of?
Hemogoblin.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
When we cross a deer and a mouse, what would we get?
“Mickey Moose!”
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
A photon turns up at check-in for a flight with no baggage. The check-in agent says "Traveling light?". He says "Yes, I am".
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
When one tree asked another how it was doing in November, it replied, "I am pine!"
Q: Why is it so windy in England?
A: Because Harry Kane (hurricane) lives there..
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Some people think prison is one word… but to criminals it’s the whole sentence.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
I went to a mansion but everyone had bad etiquette.
It was a Bad Manor.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
Shell-abrate the good times!
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Why did the two puns go to camp together?
They wanted to be pun-kmates!
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
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