What was it like to fight Medusa?
- At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
My wife got mad at me for playing catch with my son in the backyard
... I didn’t see the big deal until I dropped him.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
My exotic bird challenged me to a game of chess
I told him, "Toucan play at that game."
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
What happened when the knife went for a drive?
It took a sharp turn.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
They planet.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
I thought the play was frightful but I saw it under particularly unfortunate circumstances - the curtain was up.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
I only like smooth leather
and my opinion will never be suede.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Two florists recently got married.
It was an arranged marriage.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
What to spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
What is a vegan Viking called?
A Norvegan.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What a spud muffin.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
They say marriage is like a workshop. Where the man works and the women shops.
Go to BabaMail
