What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
I was recently fired from my job operating rides at the carnival
My lawyer has advised suing for funfair dismissal.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
What’s the freshest herb you can find in April?
Spring-thyme!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
A tree fell over in our yard but we aren't sure why.
We're looking for the root cause.
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
Finally, the soccer ball decided to quit the team. The reason behind its move was that it was tied of being kicked around.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
Do you want to hear a joke about a bolt of lightning?
Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Which country do sheep go on vacation? The Baaa-hamas.
Sleeping is so easy
I can do it with my eyes closed.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
What did Frankenstein say when he was struck by lightning?
Great! A jolt to the bolt!
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
What’s ET short for?
So he can fit in the spaceship!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Why did the mathematician work from home?
Because he could only function in his domain.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?
A: They apparently went to see "Closed For The Winter"
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
I didn't know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.
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