A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What do skiers get if they sit in the snow for too long?
Polaroids!
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
The most suitable way to bake a pie in autumn is to bake it to pie-fection!
What happens if a big ghoul steps on Batman and Robin?
They become flatman and ribbon!
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
Did you hear about the couple that split up over coffee?
The lawyer said there were grounds for divorce.
Is it acceptable to take the epidermis from your butt and graft it onto a buddy?
Ass skin for a friend.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I pitcher us together forever.
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
My wife sent me an article about "sandpaper spouses..."
I told her she must be 2000 grit, 'cause she's FINE!
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
No one can accuse this trip of being plane.
What did the koala say to his girlfriend?
I love you-calpytus.
What's a ghost's favorite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a!
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
Billy turned in his art project and his teacher said, “This piece of paper has nothing on it?”
Billy replied “I know, I drew a blank.”
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
Why can I not make jokes about the recent attacks in France?
Because jokes are all about execution.
Snow on and snow forth.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
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