Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
A couple was in the forest painting on fallen trees.
They were following their counsellor’s orders to have a meaningful dye-a-log.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
One trick peony.
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write.
Why are Catholics the best runners during the Easter season?
They fast during Lent!
Q: How do you store water?
A: Cloud storage.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
It’s the most wonderful time for a beer.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
It is difficult to hold up a trouser. How does Jupiter does it? Simply, with an asteroid belt.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
Ever had real cane sugar?
It cannot be beet.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
After his teeth were cleaned, the werewolf ate the dentist.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
Let’s shell-ebrate good times and tan lines.
I think there'll be a ferry-tale ending to this trip.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
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