Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
Being in love is a lot like central heating in your home.
You turn it on just before your guests come over and pretend that your house is always like this.
What do you call a bulletproof Irish man?
Rick O’Shay.
She has high elf-esteem.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
I went to my kid's school for an art exhibition
It was paper view.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
because it felt crumby.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
The huddle is real
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
What did the arirst say to his friend who was stressed? Don't worry, paintbrush it off.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
I was attacked by a group of mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
What did one plate say to his friend? Tonight, dinner’s on me!
Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?
He wanted to go where no man had gone before.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
I would have gone to space, but the cost is astronomical!
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
I feel pretty shore this is going to be the best summer yet.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
Have you botany plants lately?
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
Lots of eggs-ercise!
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.
Go to BabaMail
