What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Why did the artist get into a heated argument with the gallery curator? He just wasn't in the right frame of mind.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
Talk literary to me.
What will you do when you will see a spaceman? You will simply park your car, man!
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Where do Yetis go to dance?
To a snow ball.
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
when I’m with you.
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
Dust is a disk's worst enemy.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
Q. Which dinosaur species has deep blue-green feathers?
A. Teal-Rex.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
What did the prehistoric Greeks call their goddess of love?
Troglodite.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
“I love you from head to mistletoe.”
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
We were mermaid for each other.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
You know, I didn't kiss my wife until I was married...
because she wasn't my wife until we were married.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
You're acute Valentine.
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