Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets?
What did the fisherman say to the card magician? Take a cod, any cod.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
Got my friend an unnecessarily large rocket for bonfire night.
He's over the moon!He's over the moon!
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
“I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.”
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
Q: How do Japanese artists bid farewell?
A: Cyan-Nara!
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What do you think holds the moon up? Moonbeams.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
In grammar you shouldn’t do double negatives.
It’s a no no.
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
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