Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.
My friend can't afford expensive art, she has no Monet.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
How did Salvador Dali like to start his mornings? With a bowl of Surreal and milk.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
The fisherman goes to a bobber shop!
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
Which hot drinks space people like? Gravi-tea.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
I love you a tot!
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
Why was the wheelchair basketball team banned from the Paralympics?
They all tested positive for WD-40.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
We’re traveling winter-nationally.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Go to BabaMail
