Organ donors really put their heart into it.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
We’re mint to be.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What did the florist say when it was springtime?
Business is blooming!
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Why did the cow go to space?
to get ice cream.
How does Italy execute its criminals?
Guidotine.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
Where do crows try their luck?
Ma-cau
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
All punts are highly intended
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."
I only have ice for you.
"You make me egg-static."
Why did the river refuse to join the sea? Because the sea was salty.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Which LA King was the total package? Parcel Dionne.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
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