I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Visitors are Doolin over these gorgeous views.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
You're my purr-son.
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Got my friend an unnecessarily large rocket for bonfire night.
He's over the moon!He's over the moon!
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
The leech, who is good at drawing blood, applied for a job in an art gallery.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
What time do werewolf Cowboys have a shootout?
High Moon!
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns.
I think it may be terminal
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
I've just arrived in Bulgaria. How is it? Sofia, so good.
What did the Cat burglar say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?
I did it for the Monet.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
The Greeks make the best cheese
You feta believe it!
In one Fall swoop, it's autumn again!
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
Q: How do Japanese artists bid farewell?
A: Cyan-Nara!
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
My moment in the sun.
What is the difference between Barry Zito and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.
Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?
Because they have bat tempers.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
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