What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
The only time a basketball team can chase a baseball team is five after nine.
If you cross a bee and a lizard, you'll get a blizzard!
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he just didn't have an ear for music.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
Why can I not make jokes about the recent attacks in France?
Because jokes are all about execution.
Are you an alien? Because I believe you’ve abducted my heart.
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?
SlamDrunk!
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
The police told me they'd throw me in jail the next time they caught me stealing board games.
But that's a Risk I'm willing to take.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
What did the period say to the sentence? We better stop now!
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
I scored when I met you.
Why did the cheerleader add extra salt to her food in the summer?
She wanted to do summer-salts.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
What do you call a knight made entirely out of china?
Sir Ramic.
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
If you do bowling and for some reason you can’t hear a pin drop, something could be wrong with your bowling.
Which LA King was the total package? Parcel Dionne.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Go to BabaMail
