What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
I used to be a narcissist.
But now look at me.
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus!
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
What do you call a knight made entirely out of china?
Sir Ramic.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
Why did the old woman fall into the well?
Because she couldn’t see that well.
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
Every book has some flaws and mistakes, no matter how good the editor. It’s bound to happen.
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
I was only taught 22 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y TBH.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
Water you doing on [date]?
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
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