What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
Icy what you did there.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
How do you know if there is a Brachiosaurus in bed with you? By the dinosnores.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Seasoning.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
"There's a woman trapped under a motorway bridge in Italy."
"Genoa?"
"I'm not sure, I can't see her face."
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
The artist painted himself into a corner, leading to his death.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Sometimes planes go in for maintenance when they have cracks in their bodywork, we call them air-line fractures.
The only difference between time and a ball hog is that the former passes.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
Go to BabaMail
