On a recent flight, my friend asked me, "If the door suddenly opens, you think we will fall out?
I said, "No, we will still be friends."
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
We Rodin a taxi around the city after dark.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
What did the snowplow guy say when his equipment broke down?
Take this job and shovel it!
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star.
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
Where do chess grandmasters keep their pet snakes?
In a chesst.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
How are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Crows have 16 feather pinions and ravens have 17 pinions. It's just a matter of a pinion.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
Where will Kim Jong-un’s ashes be stored?
In a Kim Jong-urn
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Did you hear about the painter who works in jail? They say he had a brush with the law.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What are the best sandwiches to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy melts!
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, “How about epidural anesthesia?”
I said, “Thanks, but we already picked a name.”
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
What do you call someone who lost her Marital arts tournament?
Divorced.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
There is a specific type of cats who love to go bowling. They are known as alley cats.
The toilets at an AMF are known as the boweling alleys.
I have been saying "mucho" more often while talking to my Hispanic friends
It means a lot to them.
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
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