What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What do Spanish speaking people prefer to travel in groups of 2 or 4?
No tres-passing.
Why do old artists never die? They just withdraw.
I’m very frond of you.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
What is the name of the car that passes through the narrow stream of the river? Fjord.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
Are you a beaver? ‘Cause dam.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
It is now a universal truth that actions speak louder than coaches.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
Q. Which dinosaur species has deep blue-green feathers?
A. Teal-Rex.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
What did the nurse at the blood bank say to the nervous patient?
B positive
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
My friend was explaining at length how he was digging holes in his backyard for water.
He was boring.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
"No wine left behind."
There’s a lot of proposals on cleaning up space in earth’s orbit from broken satellites.
Looks like they’ll need a vacuum cleaner.
You’re brew-tiful!
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
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