What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Who does May like the best?
April Showers, because April Showers brings May flowers!
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
After bidding farewell to my neurosurgeon friend, we promised that we would grey in touch!
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
When I broke my brother's favorite toy, he turned absolutely red in anger.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
Meteorologists.
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
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