Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.
I am fawn’d of you my deer.
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star.”
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I won’t let you slip through my Butter Fingers.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Did you know that old bowlers do not die? They simply end up in gutters.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
At the baking competition in October, the chef said that he had eyes on the pies!
Have you heard about some bones on the moon? Looks like the cow couldn’t make it after all.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
My girlfriend left me because all I do is talk about football.
I'm so sad, we were together for 3 seasons.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
What is a cyclops' favorite winter activity?
Sking. That's like skiing, but only with one eye.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
"You round me out." — High Card Band
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
I used to be a werewolf but I’m ok noooooooooooow!!
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
What do you call a painting by a cat of herself? A self paw-trait.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
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