My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
Is it ad-out again? I’m going to hit my breaking point.
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
You snow the drill.
What do you do when your friend is a claustrophobic astronaut?
You give him a little space.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
What superlative did Robert E. Lee win in high school?
Most likely to secede!
What do you call it when pigs attack you?
A hambush.
The scientist time travels between summer and winter using his autumn-mobile!
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
How did the blind guy from Denver enjoy a bit of apres skiing on Lookout Mountain during the last white-out?
He brought along his skiing-eye dog.
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
I would tell a time travel joke,
but you didn't like it.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Met-all.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
Go to BabaMail
