Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
Your good seed for the day.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
What sound does a Greek cow make?
"μ"
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
You’re unbeleafable.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Did you hear about the Owl that could play American football?
It was a superb_owl.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Because they’re wrigleys!
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
When Papa red wanted to have some toppings on his bread, he told Son red, "Pass me the crimson!"
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
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