Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
How do snowboarders introduce themselves when they meet somebody on the slopes?
Sorry Dude.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
Why did the King of Hearts marry the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
Why did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut!
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
Why don't mining towns have hospitals?
Because everyone there only ever suffers from minor injuries.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
KID :"DAD, make me a sandwich."
DAD :"Poof, you're now a sandwich."
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my black and white tattoos
She just really needed a shoulder to crayon
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
Rebel without a Claus.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
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