My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
I went on a date with a Chess World Champion the other night.
It took her about 10 minutes to pass the salt.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
When does a sloth go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
Why does the earth appreciate the moon so much?
It keeps the oceans tidy.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.
Irish you luck.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
A new car has been launched especially for American cowboys
The Audi Partner.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
They planet.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Why don't aliens get hungry after being blasted into space?
Because they've just had a big launch.
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
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