Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Airlines have nowadays become so cash strapped that they charge you for everything including emotional baggage.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
Are you a locksmith? Because you have the key to my heart.
I was kidnapped by mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
What is the perfect day to go to the beach?
Sun-day!
Why did Paco's girlfriend not want to kiss him?
She was afraid of the a-Paco-lips.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
Why is the moon a wanted criminal?
It’s constantly mooning people.
How many cans can a cannibal nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans?
As many cans as a cannibal can nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
What do you call a Belgian who's bad at grammar?
An twerp.
The skeleton would love to see the latest horror flick, but he just doesn't have the guts for it.
I only need a prescription for like half of my kitchen cabinets.
The rest are over the counter
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
The garden where only white cars are driven can be called a garden of white carnation.
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
I can sea clearly now.
I tried to open a bag of Lays but it exploded all over me.
I've had a chip on my shoulder ever since.
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
The only thing that is black and white and has to be red all over is a newspaper.
What do you think holds the moon up? Moonbeams.
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