Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
"I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny."
Where to Bees go to party in Spain?
Ibiza.
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving
I told her, that bites.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
There is a specific type of cats who love to go bowling. They are known as alley cats.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
The moon asked the sun: Buddy when you are so hot, why are you single yet?
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Water.
Water who?
Water your plans for the weekend, Mr Beaver?
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
When God integrated Planet Earth, he didn’t forget his integral calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
Everyone remembers the common hieroglyphics grammar rule...
Eye before flea, except after sea.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
Did you hear of the new disease going through France?
I've heard it was a Paris-ite.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
What did the queen bee say to the naughty bee? Beehive yourself.
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Why does North Korea excel at drawing straight lines?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
Whatever coats your boat.
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