What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
Tom threw Tim three thumbtacks.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
Tommy Tucker tried to tie Tammy's Turtles tie.
Who needs luck? I have charm.
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
Why do birds fly south in the fall?
Because it’s too far to walk.
I've recently got a job making chess pieces.
I'm mostly working knights.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
What do you call Batman when he is injured?
Bruised Wayne.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
Your love is like vodka. You’re worth the chase.
Never has there been a more romantic story than how those two geologists met.
It was lava at first sight.
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
Why can I not make jokes about the recent attacks in France?
Because jokes are all about execution.
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
A soda can, a gas tank and the Greek god Eros walked into a bar?
The bartender shook his head, “Here comes trouble.” A patron at the bar said, “What’s wrong?” The bartender replied, “Those guys get together and they become cantankeros.”
A big black bug bit a big black bear made the big black bear bleed blood.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
I farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
You met all of my koala-fications
"Have a hoppy Easter."
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
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