The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
Blue and green stopped fighting because they had agreed on peace teal.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
How many prison guards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just beat the room for being black.
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?
OsMoses.
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Barnacle go to couples' counselling?
Because their marriage was the rocks.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
You’re wine in a million.
I’m not lion when I say you’re my mane.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
What do you call a famous inmate? A cellebrity.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Here today, lepre-gone tomorrow.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Go to BabaMail
