A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
"Sip, sip hooray."
Snow thank you.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a werewolf?
Terrier-fied!
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What is the name of the car that passes through the narrow stream of the river? Fjord.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
Please don’t joke about my eyeballs.
It’s a sensitive area.
The most notorious one of all pirates was very sad. It may have been because he was Bluebeard!
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
I would have gone to space, but the cost is astronomical!
You're one in a melon.
Q. What is a mime's favorite time of the day?
A. Dusk, because all the colors are muted.
I seen my father pouring chicken soup over his compost yesterday
I suppose chicken soup IS good for the soil.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
What is an astronauts favourite type of shirt?
Apollo
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