What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
I rang the doctor on our way to the hospital, and said, "Quick! my pregnant wife is going into labor, what should I do?"
He said, "Is this her first child?"
I said, "Of course not, this is her husband!"
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
To get to the other tide.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
Did you know Teslas don't have that new car smell?
They have more of an Elon Musk.
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party!
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
How do you make a dog stop barking in the backyard?
Move him to the front yard.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Don’t worry, Moher pictures are coming.
What will you get if you cross a tiger and a watchdog? A terrified watchman.
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Set or be set. This is certainly the right way to look at things.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Sorry, I'm octopied.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
“Did you know that Father Christmas has a daughter? Her name is Mary Christmas.”
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
A gazillion gigantic grapes gushed
gradually giving gophers gooey guts.
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
How does a Man cut his hair on the moon? Eclipse it.
Stop looking for the perfect match..
Use a lighter!
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
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