Q: What’s a nectarine?
As he gobbled the cakes on his plate,
the greedy ape said as he ate,
the greener green grapes are,
the keener keen apes are
to gobble green grape cakes,
they're great!
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
How did Salvador Dali like to start his mornings? With a bowl of Surreal and milk.
In the history of bowling, there is one bowler who floats like a butterfly and stings pretty much like a bee. His name is Muhammad Alley.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Are you a flame? Because I think I found my perfect match.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
Why should a bowling alley be quiet?
So you can hear a pin drop!
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What do you call a rich goblin?
GOBLING.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
You have a pizza my heart.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Why is the French Prime Minister never seen in the morning?
Becasue he is pm not am!
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
This year, I've really enjoyed watching 'Planet Earth'.
It's a shame that it only has four seasons.
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
What was Santa's best subject in school? Chemistree.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
"Some bunny needs vodka."
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
The female janitor at my office asked me if I would like to smoke some weed with her.
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
He threw three free throws.
Go to BabaMail
