There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
When the basketball realized all the checks were bouncing, he decided to visit the bank himself to find out.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Why do hitters find it so hard to be productive when they are indoors? They always work on an angle to play outside.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
I feel thankful for having you as my gym buddy and lover.
Our relationship is really working out.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Well, there are mixed reviews. People say the food is great. But there is no atmosphere or ambience.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I'll be making a movie about the Greek alphabets.
It's a Psi Phi film.
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
Water you doing on [date]?
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
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