Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
If you do bowling and for some reason you can’t hear a pin drop, something could be wrong with your bowling.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
Two astronauts who were dating, met up for a launch date.
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.
I prefer the ladder.
Take a page from the book and leaf.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
When a big giant eel takes your hand for a meal...
...that’s a moray.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What’s the suns favorite clothes brand?
Kelvin Klein.
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
What did the retired pirate say when he went to the beach?
Long time no sea.
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them has a watch.
"What time do you think it is?" one of them asks the other.
"Just make a ton of noise," says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyway. After a few seconds of screaming, a light turns on in another yard and a neighbor yells, "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
I was named after my dad
Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
My chickens escaped and over my yard...
I wasn't expecting the coop d'etat.
Irish food is legen-dairy.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Crowing, crowing, gone.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
"It's been an emotional day," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."
I asked my Italian grandfather if the rougher parts of Italy were called the spaghetto.
His look was pasty.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
The color turquoise was judged as the best new color because it was cyantifically proven to be.
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