Blue jeans are immortal. They never die, they just fade away!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
Why did the basketball player sign up for a crafting class?
He wanted to learn how to make baskets.
How Rudolf you to say that!
It is only late August, yet the leaves are already turning brown. Autumn came early this year. Orange you glad?
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
How do planets staying busy during hunting season?
By shooting stars.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
“Deck the Halls with Bows on Collies.”
Prepare to be bowled over.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
A bit late but here goes anyway: what do you call the elf who checks Santa's grammar?
A subordinate claus!
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
Why did the poor werewolf chase his own tail?
He was trying to make ends meet.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
What's the deal with people who refuse to embrace technology?
Answers on a postcard please.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
Black background, brown background, black background, brown background, black background, brown background.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
Suzie Seaword's fish-sauce shop sells unsifted thistles for thistle-sifters to sift.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
The Supreme Quart.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
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