Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
Someone left their tea on my desk. It smells so good, but I won't drink it. That's just not my cup of tea.
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
My dad was the top clown at the circus, but unfortunately he passed away.
I guess I have some pretty big shoes to fill.
Cows that travel alone?
Never herd of them!
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
The reason why soccer players are brilliant in math is because they know how to use their heads well.
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
The main difference between a dog and a basketball player is that one dribbles while the other one drools.
Through three cheese trees, three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. Freezy trees made these trees’ cheese freeze. That’s what made these three free fleas sneeze.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Q. What do you get when a swine artist mixes two colors together?
A. Pigment.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
A man was about to propose to his fiancé but as soon as he got down on his knees, she started laughing.
It was a fun knee moment.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
Why does Moon goes to the bank? To change his quarters.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
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