Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
The snowman's favorite side dish is iceberg salad.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
Say it ain’t snow.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
One more thyme.
I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream!
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
Where will Kim Jong-un’s ashes be stored?
In a Kim Jong-urn
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
I had never seen a horse that white. Perhaps, that is why it is called a mayo-neighs.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Can I Alp you?
Don’t be a wet noodle – join us!
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
I find you very a-peeling.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
Are you squiding me right now?
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
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