What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
"Just one hot chick."
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
Where do restless travelers like to go?
To Rome.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Why are pilots so bad at basketball?
Because they're always traveling.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
As I was preparing to leave the restaurant, the waiter said to me, “Do you wanna box for your leftover food?”
I said, “No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What do you call it when dress up like a cowboy?
Ranch dressing
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
What month does every tree dread? Sept-timmmberrr!
I'd want to know why the winters are so cold in America. I think Alaska local.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
Go to BabaMail
