What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
Checking in for a flight, I was asked, "Window or Aisle?"
I said, "Window or you'll do what?
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
when I’m with you.
A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What do you call the story of a poor witch that just became a millionaire?
Rags to witches story.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no WiFi and couldn't find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds thumped Mr. Thurber on Thursday.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth!
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
What happens if a big ghoul steps on Batman and Robin?
They become flatman and ribbon!
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
After completing the deadline just in the nick of time, the artist breathed a cyan of relief.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow macaroni.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
I'm snow bored.
What are the best sandwiches to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy melts!
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.
Those who study the moon for their course or as a habit, are optimists. And that is because they look at the brighter side always.
I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light. Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
Go to BabaMail
