What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.
Why can't pencils move?
Because they are stationery.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Why go to the beach? I’d rather be by the ski-side.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
How does santa get his Reindeer to fly? He uses Red Bull because it gives you wings!
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
How did the witch invite the wizard to take an evening ride on her broomstick?
Voodoo like to ride with me?
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
"What are your thoughts on diving?"
"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby."
Where do sharks go when they want a vacation? Finland
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"
She said: "Either ore."
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What's the difference between a colorful women's garment and a famous live music venue?
One's a house of blues, the other's a blouse of hues.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Go to BabaMail
