Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
Why did the run-on sentence think it was pregnant? Its period was late.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Sleigh queen, sleigh.
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
What do you do when your friend is a claustrophobic astronaut?
You give him a little space.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
What did one angry werewolf say to the other?
- I have a bone to pick with you!
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What sound does it make when an ogre eats a witch for breakfast?
Snap cackle n' pop
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
It’s party thyme.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
Someone who does not become a witch until they're old is a late broomer.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
If you really want to get a date at a restaurant, it’s always nice to cut to the cheese.
You can’t predict wind speeds with certainty. The best you can do is make a gust-imate.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
Go to BabaMail
