Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
The perfect description of a bowling game is one where there is plenty of room at the top, but no room to lie down.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What will you do if you come across a green alien? I’ll simply wait until it’s ripe.
If Kantie can tie a tie and untie a tie,
why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie like Kantie can.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry
Me: It’s a sacrifice to the dryer gods.
My dad: It’s a sockrifice.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Leaf me alone.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me."
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
I’m in such a Henri to get to France!
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
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