When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Colors laugh by saying, "Hue Hue Hue."
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.
It really came out of the purple.
Half of Italy is complaining about the coronavirus and the other half is laughing not taking it seriously.
All they do is cheese and wine.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Did you hear about the guy who was beaten by the King?
It’s a sore subject.
What do you call a Belgian who's bad at grammar?
An twerp.
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What do troll mathematicians like to solve?
Parabolems?
Don’t moss around.
It’s impossible to Rouen a trip to France.
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
Water you doing?
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
As I was preparing to leave the restaurant, the waiter said to me, “Do you wanna box for your leftover food?”
I said, “No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
Dad: "Knock, knock!" Kid: "Who's there?"
Dad: Spell!
Kid: Spell who?
Dad: W... H... O...
I told my friend that our old school friend is coming to attend St Patrick's feast. She was surprised. She asked, "O'Reilly?"
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