Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
Teaching babies to walk is hard, but you just have take it one step at a time.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
I like you sow much.
When a big giant eel takes your hand for a meal...
...that’s a moray.
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Why do you cry, Willy?
Why do you cry?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy? Why?
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
I've just been sacked from my job as a prophet..
I didn't see that coming.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
Metaphors be with you.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Let’s make some pour decisions.
My friend was explaining at length how he was digging holes in his backyard for water.
He was boring.
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
Why are Ghosts in such good shape? Plenty of exorcise and a good die-t.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
I can sea clearly now.
I would tell a time travel joke,
but you didn't like it.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
“A mistle-toast to the holiday season.”
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
It's not the cough that carries you off,
it's the coffin they carry you off in!
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
For instant fun, just add water.
My girlfriend really changed after she became vegan
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
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