Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.
For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.
Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases stealing each other's methods, committing plague-iarism.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What did Dr.Frankenstein say when his monster spat on him?
It’s saliva!
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
What do you call a Sith Lord who likes to go fishing? Darth Wader.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A Diplodocus with a sore throat!
Sea you at the beach.
Never laugh at your spouse’s choice… You’re one of them.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
Excited executioner exercising his excising powers excessively.
What kind of Nurse can cast spells?
A Curse Practitioner.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Betty Botter bought some butter but, said she, the butter’s bitter.
If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter will make my bitter batter better.
So she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter,
put it in her bitter batter, made her bitter batter better.
So ‘t was better Betty Botter bought some better butter.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
Shocka Khan.
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
You're so clover!
Why did the blonde skier only wear one boot?
Channel 7's weatherman said there was a 50% chance of snow.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Did you know that fighting increases your risk of heart attack?
Because it's assault.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
My weekend is fully booked.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Water.
Water who?
Water your plans for the weekend, Mr Beaver?
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
A fly and flea flew into a flue,
said the fly to the flea 'what shall we do?'
'let us fly' said the flea
said the fly 'shall we flee'
so they flew through a flaw in the flue.
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
What kind of werewolf can track down flowers ?
A bud hound
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