Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
What's the difference between Greek yogurt and regular yogurt?
Greek yogurt has a rich cultural history.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
At the Italian restaurant, the ghoul ordered spook-ghetti for his main course.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today.
I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Why are street thugs so good at basketball?
Because they know how to shoot, steal, and run.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It's pasteurized before you see it.
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?
Salty but sweet.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
My weekend is fully booked.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
If Kantie can tie a tie and untie a tie,
why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie like Kantie can.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Why wasn't the jogger all that bummed out when his girlfriend broke up with him?
'Cause they had a good run.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
What was wrong with the deer’s smile?
He had buck teeth.
I tried to take a girl out to hunt seals for a first date.
But she wasn't really Inuit.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
I used to be a werewolf but I’m ok noooooooooooow!!
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
Why doesn't Mrs. Clause like to go outside in spring?
Because of all the rain, dear.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
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