How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
You are just like my car because you drive me crazy.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead.
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
Which local sportswriters are most effusive? Those who work in the praise
box!
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Someone left their tea on my desk. It smells so good, but I won't drink it. That's just not my cup of tea.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s hard to keep track of.
Kind of.. Kung Fusing
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
"Aloe you vera much."
Why did the skeleton start the fight?
He had a bone to pick.
when I’m with you.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
What do you call a rental car in Spain?
A Barceloaner.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
I want to practice my forehand outside, but it will be wet in the morning and nice later on. So here’s the plan for today: inside-out.
Did you hear about the volleyball players who are getting married? They say it was love at first spike.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
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