The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
How much ground would a groundhog hog, if a groundhog could hog ground? A groundhog would hog all the ground he could hog, if a groundhog could hog ground.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
Which Finn is like a hotdog on the ice? Teemu Salami.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you and feel glad you are alive?
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?
You column.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
Show your popcorn and coke guy at the movies a little appreciation. After all, he makes a lot of concessions.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
Is it possible to scare a sasquatch out of your yard by tossing eggs at him?
Only if you eggs-terminate him.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
They say everything gets better with age.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
Do you comma here often?
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
You're acute Valentine.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to France from America?
Son, we are now Europeants!
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
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