I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Who’s ready to party their shamrocks off?
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Becoming a space pilot is not easy. It requires a good altitude.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
I've already heard seven cancer puns today.
If I hear tumor it's gonna benign.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Canada is planning a mission to the moon
They're calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
I think there'll be a ferry-tale ending to this trip.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
The snowman's favorite side dish is iceberg salad.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I bet this chair lift weighs enough to break the ice.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Can I Alp you?
So I went to France and bought a house made of bread
I guess you could say I'm living in pain.
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Military submarines are a deep navy blue in color.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What's the deal with people who refuse to embrace technology?
Answers on a postcard please.
How can you tell if you’ve told a really funny Irish joke?
People will be Dublin over with laughter!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
I've just been sacked from my job as a prophet..
I didn't see that coming.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
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