Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What kind of tropical fruit wants to visit the moon?
A Coco-naut
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
The beauty with bowling is that you can get three strikes, but you still remain in the game.
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room?
You're not alone.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Which Finn is like a hotdog on the ice? Teemu Salami.
How does Mr. Bean introduce himself in Spain?
Soy Bean.
“Did you hear the forecast for Christmas Eve? They’re calling for rain, dear!”
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Shake it like a pole-oriod picture.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
Dublin over in laughter.
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
How do flowers kiss?
With their tulips
Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?
The ultrasound guy
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What a spud muffin.
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
I feel pretty shore this is going to be the best summer yet.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
The soccer player brought string to her game because she wanted to tie the score.
What happens when Greeks come back from war?
They get a gyro’s welcome.
What is a koala’s favorite pop singer? Koala Rae Jepsen. Her most popular song? “Koala Me Maybe”.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
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