When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
"Just looking on the sunny side."
If you really want to get a date at a restaurant, it’s always nice to cut to the cheese.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
Cutest clover in the patch.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
What do you call an amazing day up a mountain? A peak experience.
You snow the drill.
I had a dream that I was a mechanic who fixed wrecked cars.
It was an auto body experience.
It’s party thyme.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
This book of spells was useless. The author forgot to run spell check.
I would have gone to space, but the cost is astronomical!
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
So in my trip to Spain i got attacked by a bull.
Oh man that's spainful.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
You're one in a melon.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
There was a bald man who married his comb.
He promised, “I’ll never part with it!”
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Q. What do you get when you combine Blue Agave and literature?
A. Tequila Mockingbird
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
Why did the pun fail his English class?
He didn't use proper pun-ctuation!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive.
Olive, who?
Olive you, and I don’t care who knows it!
I love you with all my butt.
I would say my heart, but it is just not as big. (wink wink where my curvy booties at?!)
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
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