What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
I can sea clearly now.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Car puns are really tiring
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
In a conversation between one pin and another, one said, “Let us never split.”
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
What does a basketball player say when he misses?
Shoot!
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What type of underwear does a yard wear?
Lawngerie.
"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
"No sun."
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
Quackers
I dig you a hole lot.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
Where do restless travelers like to go?
To Rome.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
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