Keep calm and carrot on.
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
What currency do astronauts use in space?
Starbucks.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
What do you call a painting by a cat of herself? A self paw-trait.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
The ref keeps shafting us the offsides; I think he's blue lyin'.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
What is the definition of art theft? A: The haul of frames.
What can you serve and never eat? A volleyball!
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
How does a volleyball team welcome their new neighbors? With a block party.
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
What will you get if you cross a tiger and a watchdog? A terrified watchman.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
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