What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Which city in France is the nicest?
Nice.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
I’m rooting for you!
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
"Love the wine you're with."
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.
He was Tolkien all the way through.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
Friend of mine got sacked as a set designer for not producing anything. He didn't make a scene.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
I always find artists romantic because when they love you, they do it with all their art.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
“You’re my soul Santa.”
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
Reading whilst sunbathing? You must be well-red!
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
What did one sushi roll say to the other sushi roll?
I’m soy into you.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
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