Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
The big black bug bit the big black bear,
but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
Why didn’t the skull go to the dentist?
It was too-th late.
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
It was chipped.
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What did the flower say to the flower next to him? Move over bud!
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
The fisherman goes to a bobber shop!
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
Why are cowboys prone to gambling?
Because they're always raising the steaks.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
But his brother Frank was a monster.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
Why were the volleyball players always tying in tic tac toe? Each time one of them sets an X, the other player just says O.
What is a frog’s favorite drink on a hot summer day?
Croak-o-cola.
Pilots would be very hard to beat in a competition, they are always ready for a-rrival.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
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