Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
My colleague kept on missing deadlines, so I advised him not to bite off more than he can blue!
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What did Mars tell to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime!
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
"Will you accept this rosé?"
Whatever floats your goat.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
Something’s goat to give.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
You cannot get a basketball game fairly officiated in the jungle because cheetahs are all over.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
Football is one habit I will never kick
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
What is a cat lover's favourite tree?
A juni-purr.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What do you get when you dump your Easter eggs on a hill?
A spring roll!
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
Go to BabaMail
