Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
It is not really much about how you bowl, but instead how you roll.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
Your sweater must be made out of wife material.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
"Back that glass up."
I yam what I yam.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
When do you know a joke is a dad joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
I've just been sacked from my job as a prophet..
I didn't see that coming.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What do you get when someone stares coldly at you?
Glare ice.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
“Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.”
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
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