So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
Basketball players are not that patient to follow-through an elaborate court-ship procedure.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
"Adulting makes me wine."
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
“That’s just spam.”
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
What did the skiier say when his standup act was going downhill fast?
There snow possible way these puns could be more painful.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
Old astronomers got so tired of waiting for the sun to go down, that they decided to pack it up and call it a day.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
Basketball is the only sport where the basket is filled but never gets full.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?
So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
What is the perfect day to go to the beach?
Sun-day!
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin date.
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