A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What do ghosts use to keep their hair in place? Scare-spray!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Why was the artist in an argument? She wanted to have the final clay.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Deja brew all over again.
What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
What do you call a Belgian who's bad at grammar?
An twerp.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
Why didn’t the lady skeleton wear a bikini?
Because she was big boned.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Any noise annoys an oyster but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She's still not talking to me.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
The pirate steals arrrrt when he has the chance.
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
Did you hear about the vultures who went to check-in for their flight at the airport? When the check-in agent asked them if they had any luggage to check, they replied, no we just have carri-on.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
I like you, you croc my world.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What did the arirst say to his friend who was stressed? Don't worry, paintbrush it off.
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