If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
"No sun."
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
The reason why bowling alleys are so quiet is such that you can hear a pin drop.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
I’m browsing the winter-net.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
How do people stop being crooks? They straighen themselves out!
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
The best place for a ghost to go on holiday is The Dead Sea.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Go to BabaMail
