Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
My weekend is fully booked.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
The ghost was told off when he spook out of turn.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
What did the tree say to spring?
What a re-leaf!
The sun replies: I hurt everyone when they come close to me.
My father was a blind carpenter
until he picked up his hammer and saw.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
Where do spiders play football?
Webley Stadium.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Wife is about to give birth.
Nurse: "I'm gonna deliver the Baby."
Dad: " Actually, we'd like him to keep his Liver"
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
Sleigh, what?!
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
It wasn't til I studied Spanish as an adult that learned Spain discovered Canada.
As our teacher explained it, the first maps said "Acá, nada."
Summer is my favorite sea-sun of the year.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
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